Gods Playing Poker

A lot of news reporting this past year had me banging my head against my desk until I saw a series of small and wonderful lights before my eyes. For some reason, Christians continue to allow the most insane people speak for them and their Christ. This situation is intolerable.

I publish this list in response to the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission and their yearly list, the Top 10 Anti-Christian Acts of whatever-year-it-happens-to-be. In addition to their list, they also publish a news feed that contains items chosen and commented on in a very ideological way (to put it mildly).

Take, for instance, their review of President Obama’s speech at the National Prayer Breakfast recently this year. They published the whole thing on their blog; commenting on it in red. Their comments include such gems as ‘But apparently Obama can call into question the motives of conservatives who simply want to see a birth certificate and maybe some outward attendance at church.’ And ‘Government can’t fix poverty because most poverty is the result of irresponsible personal decisions.’ I could go on and on — they certainly do.

So you see, I must respond in kind. I feel compelled to speak out against people who claim to come in the name of Christ, but demonstrate so clearly that they don’t know the first thing about what that really means.

The following 10 items have been faithfully gathered from the news during the past year and are presented for your consideration. Please, please, please don’t let people like the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission speak for you and represent your faith.

Honorable Mention: Christians, please do some research on what a name means before using it? When you don’t, it can lead to things like this: The Glory Hole Church Store. This doesn’t officially make the top 10, but it happens all too often for my taste.

10. In Mississippi, they apparently don’t read the lyrics to songs they play at youth programs. At an event called ‘Abstinence Works: Let’s Talk About It,’ promoters blared the song ‘Crank Dat’ by Soulja Boy, in which he sings, ‘Watch me crank that Soulja Boy, then superman that ho.’ Very educational, I’m sure. They then went on to have prayer and various religious-themed performances for the MI Dept. of Human Services-funded event. Hope there were some condoms in the bathroom at least.

9. Social Studies teachers in Texas met to discuss how much of the Bible should be used in the classroom to teach American history. Personally, I think it’s hard to see how one would use the Bible to talk about US History in any sort of positive light. I suppose there are plenty of positive things one could say about the Bible itself, but in light of how it has been actually used here in the US — to “Christianize” and “civilize” the natives, then the Mexicans, then the Filipinos in a series of oppression and cultural repression — I think it would be best to just keep it out of the classroom lest we have to explain too much to the kiddies about how this country really was won.

8. Let’s hear it for a former Baptist leader who, after being convicted of stealing millions from the National Baptist Convention USA and serving a jail sentence for the same, asked a court to stop the presidential election for the denomination he fleeced so that he could attempt to resume his leadership. Rev. Henry J. Lyons of Tampa, you sir, have balls of brass. I hope they clang together loudly so that I can hear you coming when you arrive to rob me blind.

7. In a misguided attempt to spread Christianity, Kirk Cameron passed out 50,000 altered copies of Darwin’s ‘Origin of Species’ on college campuses. Bananas and jokes aside, I’m sad that Kirk is so misled as to think that evolution is a hoax and that the Bible and science cannot coexist. It would be a terrible thing if he goes to his grave believing such nonsense. Would Christians stand still for atheists releasing an altered copy of the Bible with a forward by Richard Dawkins?

6. The Conservabible. A conservative group wants to edit the bible to more closely reflect their philosophy — translating it “thought for thought” but “without corruption by liberal bias.” Kirk’s deluded Darwin books make me sad, but this bunch of lunatics makes me mad. You don’t get to edit the word of God for political bias. You just don’t.

5. Pat Robertson continues to say some wacky stuff. Here are a few examples including his denunciation of Islam and Hate Crimes Legislation. Pat, you need to give up your crazy ideas and start walking the walk. Sooner would be better than later. No show gives me more material for this list than The 700 Club.

4. Scott Roeder admits to killing abortion doctor George Tiller, MD. Last I checked, the commandment was THOU SHALT NOT MURDER, and not THOU SHALT NOT MURDER UNLESS YOU THINK HE”S A BAD GUY THEN IT IS KIND OF OKAY. And killing in a House of God?! Thankfully he was caught and convicted.

3. The Catholic Church gave DC an ultimatum that if they pass the Same-Sex Marriage bill as written they’ll stop all of their social service programs. I want to know which guy in a fancy hat is going to be the one to explain to the homeless, the poor and hungry that they’ll need to find a different meal ticket. Last time I checked the Bible, Jesus advocated sitting down with the sinners to eat, not taking food away, and especially not denying aid because someone else advocated something you didn’t like. Seriously, the Archdiocese of Washington should say these things out loud before doing them. That way they can hear if they sounds stupid and maybe avoid the embarrassment that comes from announcing things that you just haven’t thought through.

2. Former Regent University Asst. Dean Stephen McPherson and his wife Melina plead guilty to child sex abuse charges, and admit to using Bible passages to justify the repeated molestation of minors in their care at the Christian-based Hope Haven Children’s Home shelter. If they don’t already know with dead certainty that they’re going to hell, I would like to apply for the position of gleefully telling them.

1. Irish Church and police are caught covering up child abuse dating back to 1975. There is no funny way to talk about this. I hope the bunch of degenerates who are responsible — and there are so damn many of them apparently — have a good long time in prison to think about their crimes. If that can’t happen may God turn their outie bits to innie bits and visa versa.

Now if there are those of you who think that I see nothing positive in Christianity, here’s an added bonus: a news item that I believe best represents Christ and his fabulous message of peace, love and hope for the future: Landlord goes back to work to let unemployed stay rent free…

May 2010 see less of the same old stupidity.