By Slappy on February 24th, 2012
- Rick Santorum is a staunch defender of his Catholic faith but seems out of touch with its current doctrines… and at odds with the Pope, even, on evolution and environmentalism…
- And he’s made it clear that if you don’t agree with all of his beliefs, he probably doesn’t consider your theology Christian (and especially not if you’re a Protestant)…
- But that’s okay, because he thinks that your right to the pursuit of happiness only means your right to do things his God thinks are acceptable, so in the end you’ll all be doing things the way he wants or not at all.
- Speaking of doing things his way, Santorum wants women to have lots of babies, whether they like it or not, but is against prenatal testing for all those pregnant women.
- But screw ‘em after they’re born. Not only is he against welfare for people who need help supporting their larger-than-they-wanted families, he’s even against plans to send kids to college because it “indoctrinates” them (unless the colleges are all about the money and leaving students saddled with crippling debts). Oh, and if their kids are abused by priests from his religion, it’s not that religion’s fault for covering it up and not prosecuting it, it’s the fault of liberals.
- And let’s not forget him telling McCain, a POW, that McCain didn’t understand how torture worked. Because yeah, a POW knows nothing about that.
- Oh, and no one really understands why he brought up the Netherlands policies on euthanasia but got them utterly, completely wrong. Maybe his war with China wasn’t panning out?
- And worst of all, he made Uncle Slappy have to wallow through all of that to bring it to you. Time for Uncle Slappy to go have a conversation with Uncle Jack Daniels and see if he agrees.
Eating plums before sex is a great way to prevent santorum, I hear.