All Glory to the Hypno-Toad!

Congratulations to the amazing folks at this year’s San Diego Comic Con, who handled being picketed by the Westboro cult with aplomb, panache and humor. This is how you do it, folks. The Westboro hatemongers are a bunch of whacked-out zealot lawyers who make their money from suing people who react in anger to their vile rhetoric. Don’t ever let ‘em win.

The U.S. Courts struck down the National Day of Prayer (May 6) last month, citing it as a call to religious action and stating that the government cannot pass laws determining when people should and shouldn’t pray. This falls right in line with what the founding fathers intended. To quote Jefferson, “Every religious society has a right to determine for itself the time for these exercises, and the objects proper for them, according to their own particular tenets; and right can never be safer than in their hands, where the Constitution has deposited it.”

Not coincidentally, today is also the National Day of Reason, celebrating reason and “raising public awareness about the persistent threat to religious liberty posed by government intrusion into the private sphere of worship.”

So here’s a reasonable response to the situation.

Check out our new t-shirt designs — two great ways to speak your mind about the Pope that’s covered up child abuse and a certain science-impaired, morality obsessed Iranian cleric.

Show me on the globe…

The Catholic Church has abused the trust of its faithful by covering up decades of activity by pedophile priests. Show what you think in no uncertain terms by asking where on the globe the Church touched you — marked with pedobear pins and Cthulhu-approved!

Boobquake 2010

Celebrate the victory of skepticism over illogic by commemorating the event that rocked your world but DIDN’T rock the globe.  Boobs ≠ earthquakes!

Take a moment and thank him by checking out their comics at Onezumi. Then, go download our free app for your iPhone!

I publish this list in response to the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission and their yearly list, the Top 10 Anti-Christian Acts of whatever-year-it-happens-to-be. In addition to their list, they also publish a news feed that contains items chosen and commented on in a very ideological way (to put it mildly).

Take, for instance, their review of President Obama’s speech at the National Prayer Breakfast recently this year. They published the whole thing on their blog; commenting on it in red. Their comments include such gems as ‘But apparently Obama can call into question the motives of conservatives who simply want to see a birth certificate and maybe some outward attendance at church.’ And ‘Government can’t fix poverty because most poverty is the result of irresponsible personal decisions.’ I could go on and on — they certainly do.

So you see, I must respond in kind. I feel compelled to speak out against people who claim to come in the name of Christ, but demonstrate so clearly that they don’t know the first thing about what that really means.

The following 10 items have been faithfully gathered from the news during the past year and are presented for your consideration. Please, please, please don’t let people like the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission speak for you and represent your faith.

Honorable Mention: Christians, please do some research on what a name means before using it? When you don’t, it can lead to things like this: The Glory Hole Church Store. This doesn’t officially make the top 10, but it happens all too often for my taste.

10. In Mississippi, they apparently don’t read the lyrics to songs they play at youth programs. At an event called ‘Abstinence Works: Let’s Talk About It,’ promoters blared the song ‘Crank Dat’ by Soulja Boy, in which he sings, ‘Watch me crank that Soulja Boy, then superman that ho.’ Very educational, I’m sure. They then went on to have prayer and various religious-themed performances for the MI Dept. of Human Services-funded event. Hope there were some condoms in the bathroom at least.

9. Social Studies teachers in Texas met to discuss how much of the Bible should be used in the classroom to teach American history. Personally, I think it’s hard to see how one would use the Bible to talk about US History in any sort of positive light. I suppose there are plenty of positive things one could say about the Bible itself, but in light of how it has been actually used here in the US — to “Christianize” and “civilize” the natives, then the Mexicans, then the Filipinos in a series of oppression and cultural repression — I think it would be best to just keep it out of the classroom lest we have to explain too much to the kiddies about how this country really was won.

8. Let’s hear it for a former Baptist leader who, after being convicted of stealing millions from the National Baptist Convention USA and serving a jail sentence for the same, asked a court to stop the presidential election for the denomination he fleeced so that he could attempt to resume his leadership. Rev. Henry J. Lyons of Tampa, you sir, have balls of brass. I hope they clang together loudly so that I can hear you coming when you arrive to rob me blind.

7. In a misguided attempt to spread Christianity, Kirk Cameron passed out 50,000 altered copies of Darwin’s ‘Origin of Species’ on college campuses. Bananas and jokes aside, I’m sad that Kirk is so misled as to think that evolution is a hoax and that the Bible and science cannot coexist. It would be a terrible thing if he goes to his grave believing such nonsense. Would Christians stand still for atheists releasing an altered copy of the Bible with a forward by Richard Dawkins?

6. The Conservabible. A conservative group wants to edit the bible to more closely reflect their philosophy — translating it “thought for thought” but “without corruption by liberal bias.” Kirk’s deluded Darwin books make me sad, but this bunch of lunatics makes me mad. You don’t get to edit the word of God for political bias. You just don’t.

5. Pat Robertson continues to say some wacky stuff. Here are a few examples including his denunciation of Islam and Hate Crimes Legislation. Pat, you need to give up your crazy ideas and start walking the walk. Sooner would be better than later. No show gives me more material for this list than The 700 Club.

4. Scott Roeder admits to killing abortion doctor George Tiller, MD. Last I checked, the commandment was THOU SHALT NOT MURDER, and not THOU SHALT NOT MURDER UNLESS YOU THINK HE”S A BAD GUY THEN IT IS KIND OF OKAY. And killing in a House of God?! Thankfully he was caught and convicted.

3. The Catholic Church gave DC an ultimatum that if they pass the Same-Sex Marriage bill as written they’ll stop all of their social service programs. I want to know which guy in a fancy hat is going to be the one to explain to the homeless, the poor and hungry that they’ll need to find a different meal ticket. Last time I checked the Bible, Jesus advocated sitting down with the sinners to eat, not taking food away, and especially not denying aid because someone else advocated something you didn’t like. Seriously, the Archdiocese of Washington should say these things out loud before doing them. That way they can hear if they sounds stupid and maybe avoid the embarrassment that comes from announcing things that you just haven’t thought through.

2. Former Regent University Asst. Dean Stephen McPherson and his wife Melina plead guilty to child sex abuse charges, and admit to using Bible passages to justify the repeated molestation of minors in their care at the Christian-based Hope Haven Children’s Home shelter. If they don’t already know with dead certainty that they’re going to hell, I would like to apply for the position of gleefully telling them.

1. Irish Church and police are caught covering up child abuse dating back to 1975. There is no funny way to talk about this. I hope the bunch of degenerates who are responsible — and there are so damn many of them apparently — have a good long time in prison to think about their crimes. If that can’t happen may God turn their outie bits to innie bits and visa versa.

Now if there are those of you who think that I see nothing positive in Christianity, here’s an added bonus: a news item that I believe best represents Christ and his fabulous message of peace, love and hope for the future: Landlord goes back to work to let unemployed stay rent free…

May 2010 see less of the same old stupidity.

Oh yes, the stupid, it certainly does burn.

I thought about breaking down each item and taking it apart, but instead I thought I would offer my own list, entitled “Top Ten Instances of Christians Shooting Christianity in the Foot, 2008 Edition” (with a little wiggle room on dates here and there). I’ll publish my list when they publish theirs each year on or about this time. But now, on to the list!

Top Ten Instances of Christians Shooting Christianity in the Foot, 2008 Edition

(Before we begin: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, where’s Sarah Palin on this list?!” I hear you cry. You know what, I’m sick of Sarah Palin. If you don’t know what’s wrong with her, you haven’t been paying attention.)

10. The Crusade Effect: Christian organizations using symbols, logos and nomenclature that is similar to hateful imagery or symbols. Hopefully, they just do it out of ignorance, rather than intent, but the results are spectacularly painful.

Sadly, there are plenty of recent examples. For example, the American Family Association sells a cross strewn with Christmas tree lights; however, it is so packed with lights that, when lit, it looks just like the burning crosses left on lawns by the KKK.

Similarly, Ron Luce’s organization, Battle Cry flagrantly uses little red flags and warlike language. There is a large chance the impressionable teens who wave those flags and chant that language have never heard of Chairman Mao, Pol Pot, or the images and words used at Nazi rallies. But Ron Luce and the Christian adults who follow him certainly should know better.

9. Fred Phelps: Not only have the evangelicals not disowned Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church, but most leaders of all denominations continue to not publicly denounce this ass-clown. I’m sure many Church leaders don’t hold the opinions that Phelps does, but by doing so little, they speak volumes to everyone. When he and his wackos show up to picket a funeral, they should be met by the entire community to drive them out. Silence is assent, and if you aren’t loudly, publicly, visibly condemning the hateful craziness of WBC because “sure, they’re radicals, but at least they’re Christians”, then you are enabling them. This is the only instance I can find of a major Church leader denouncing Phelps. A lone voice in the wilderness. It’s not enough to stand by and nothing. It just isn’t.

Number 8 is Prop. Hate: Lying and distorting the truth for political gain in the Proposition 8 campaign in California. The campaign to promote Prop. 8 was particularly contentious, and many persons and organizations of faith acted in ways harmful to Christians everywhere. Particularly reprehensible were their advertisements’ bald-faced lies that were seen and heard in a broad spectrum of media outlets. Regardless of your beliefs about homosexuality, there is no doubt that bearing false witness IS a sin. Leave the fabrications to the politicians and hedge fund managers.

7. Promoting the falsehood that President Obama is a Muslim or is a secret Muslim (whatever that is) and wielding that lie like a weapon. Do I really need to tell you why saying this is bad? First, it’s flat out not true (one again, bearing false witness); moreover, how insensitive can Christians be – they have a fellow brother in Christ in the Whitehouse, whose faith is between HE and he, and who is anyone to doubt it.

Second, let’s not forget those lacking in clarity of thought enough to not only believe that President Obama is a Muslim — but to then use that misinformation as some sort of smear, as though the concept of being a Muslim in some way can disqualify someone from holding office or diminishes their stature in any way. The hypocrisy of believing in freedom of religion only so far is it is your religion is despicable. Barack Obama is a citizen of the United States. He is a Christian. He is the President. Get over it and stop thinking that being a Muslim is a crime.

6. Selling a church. No joke. Russian villagers stole a church building and sold it, brick by brick. Where do you even begin with that one?

5. Pope embraces four bishops from the known anti-Semitic Society of St. Pius X. Pope Benedict XVI last year extended the olive branch to four bishops from a known organizational font of religious anti-Semitism, including Richard Williamson, a formerly excommunicated holocaust denier. This year, they rejoined the fold, and on the same day Williamson was rehabilitated back into the Catholic Church, he was still spouting conspiracy crack about the entirely debunked Protocols of Zion. I just don’t get this move by his eminence. To quote Noam Chomsky, who was criticized for supporting the right to speech for another holocaust denier some time ago, “To even enter into the argument that the Holocaust didn’t happen is to lose a part of one’s humanity.” Well said, Noam.

4. Personal moral failings of leadership to practice what they preach. How many spiritual leaders have “lapses in moral character” that they then use to profit from notoriety? From politicians to mega-church pastors, it happens year after year. They publicly repudiate homosexuality but privately embrace it. They gain fame for piety, pointing the finger at everyone but themselves, but are corrupt or adulterous in private. I could spend all day recounting names, but I’ll just mention the latest of these, Ted Haggard. He was anti-gay but secretly gay, then straight but still secretly gay, now straight with issues. But it’s not his fault, of course. Everyone else is still evil, of course. And there’s profit to be made from exploiting the issue, so he’s out shilling with a documentary about his rehabilitation… even as the papers are full of allegations of another affair… of course.

3. Monk fights at Christ’s tomb. For the second time last year, Christian monks broke into turf war at the tomb of Christ. Fist fights in front of the tomb over territorial rights? Really?

Fighting at the tomb of Jesus? Really? Really?

2. Inability to be rational adults over the entire issue of homosexuality, especially so it can be wielded as a political weapon. I already mentioned Prop. 8. But how about the divisions in the Anglican and Episcopal Churches over gay marriage and the appointment of openly gay Bishop Gene Robinson. Any division within the Church is sinful, but compounding it with incredibly expensive property disputes? Everyone loses; Christ not least of all.

But at least they’re having the debate. Other denominations just outright refuse to talk about the homosexuality-as-sin argument. After all, if we started discussing it rationally, we might find a peaceful resolution even if it was only to say ‘we disagree, but we’re all still Christians.’ But wait, if it was all resolved, how would they be able to jerk it out like puppet strings, to get the voters to the booths and the money on the plate. Like abortion, homosexuality as an issue has become too valuable to give up.

Wouldn’t it be nice if Christians could refrain from calling each other heretics?

1. Worshiping at the bronze bull statue on Wall Street. How did anyone think that this would be okay? It’s the FIRST commandment for crying out loud! Surely they read that one before they fell asleep.